News

A Colorado jury this week found that a woman who sent feces in the mail to a politician had done nothing illegal. Rather, the jury agreed, such actions are protected by the First Amendment to the Constitution.
The mind races!
The possibilities!
My husband, upon hearing of this news, involuntarily looked out the window toward the yard where our faithful dog performs her natural functions. Then he caught my eye. We were both thinking the same thing. (Isn’t marriage great sometimes?)
I did some quick calculations. There are two Alabama senators in Washington; there are seven elected members of the U.S. House of Representatives. There are 107 members of the state House and 67 state senators. That’s roughly… 183 people to whom one could legally send a care package, were one so inclined. And were the dog to produce the required bounty.

I want to state right now, and UNEQUIVOCALLY, that I DO NOT advocate the mailing of ANY harmful substance to ANY PERSON or ORGANIZATION. That would be wrong.

Feces can contain lots of germs and in the case of an unhealthy animal, worms or parasite eggs. To send such items to an elected official would be WRONG.

But is it good to know that one can, legally, express one’s displeasure toward our politicians by mailing them items of a disgusting nature. It’s comforting to imagine such scenarios as:
Walking the yard with a plastic bag and shovel;
Scooping up dog poop with the shovel;
Drying the dog poop on sheets of newspaper that have stories about government malfeasance printed on them;
Packaging the dog poop into separate shoeboxes addressed to, say, U.S. Sen. Jeff Sessions or White House Hatchet Man Karl Rove.
As of this writing there are 597 days left in the Bush administration. That would be 597 separate instances of civil protest, were the dog to maintain a regular lower intestinal tract.
What sort of person, you ask, would actually do such a thing? A crazy person? An angry taxpayer? I don’t know.
I am too busy to really give it further consideration.
I have the dog to feed and the yard to mow.

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